gambol \GAM-buhl\

Word of 2012

2012-01-09T17:20:00.000-06:00

I read in a Christmas letter once, well actually I heard about someone's Christmas letter once, that each member in their family chooses a word they would like to represent the year to come. I've decided I want to do that. Well I want to do it at least this year, and hopefully I'll remember it for years to come.

Genuine

I want genuine to mark my year this year. This word has been on my heart this last month. I feel like this past month God keeps showing me time after time where I am am lacking genuineness. I pursue people and conversations out of obligation, but not a true heart to love them and know them more.

I'm ready to dive into this. I know I'll fail over and over, but I also know God has put this word on my heart for a reason. I want to really be present when I talk to people. I want to show a real interest in who they are and where they came from. I want to be excited when I see people. I want to love them with a real genuine love and not an obligation.

Luckily God has given me some pretty sweet role models in this area. I can think of two friends in particular who rock in this area. Every time I hang out with them, see them or just give them a hug, I know they are different. This word radiates from their life.

So here goes....

2012

2012-01-06T17:06:00.000-06:00

For 2012 I want to:

complete the 3rd Annual No Junk Food Jan.

complete P90X (the workout plan and meal plan)

run a marathon in the fall

read at least 12 books

do a meal plan for every week

use the envelope system for money

be genuine in my relationships

get rid of diesel heat

redo the kitchen floor

build relationships in Woodward, IA

volunteer somewhere on a regular basis

Self Control 2011

2012-01-04T16:25:00.000-06:00

Self Control 2011 is finally over!

October: We got off easy and just did No Snooze again. We hadn't thought of something and woke up on Oct. 1st and was 'oh no', so we quickly improvised.

Novemeber: We did Move in November. God unexpectedly put a house in front of us that we could not say no too. We moved in and worked our buts off paiting, stripping wallpaper and cleaning, oh so many hours scrubbing. The house has a whole lot of more things to do to it, but for now we are taking a happy rest and enjoying it after a laboress November and December.

December: Drive it Right December. We had to obey all traffic laws to the best of all ability. That means go the speed limit, stop behind stop signs, stop completely, no aggressive driving, use turn signal when changing lanes and when turning corners and when parking. It was hard. WAY hard, I realized I break the law a lot! It made me much more conscious of the speed limit in different areas of town.

Final Summary: I loved Self Control 2011. I love that we're not doing it again, but also love the togetherness it created in Ryan and I's relationship. Having the same goals together each month, was a blessing for our marriage. Being able to walk along side each other when certain months were harder than others for one of us.

We do have lots of goals planned for 2012...stay tuned....

Life without Internet

2012-01-02T16:22:00.000-06:00

I have a couple of real excuses for why the blog posts have been very few and far between this year. First of all when you have a desktop computer that is nine years old, it has definitely seen its better years. You would have to restart it 3 to 5 times to get the internet to work.

Finally Ryan and I decided lets buy a new laptop in Septemberish. It was wonderful to be able to be on the computer while on the couch. I was so exciting for all of the future blogging that would happen.

But then, Ryan and I decided to move to the middle of nowhere, 1.4 miles outside of a town of 1,000 people. Who would have thought there are actually places in America where there is still no access to high speed internet? There are....shocking, I know. The only internet we would have available to us would be dial-up. (Yeah dial-up, that thing from middle school.)

Not having instant access to internet anytime you want has been this strange giving me this strange sense of cleansing. It is slightly freeing to know that I won't respond to emails right away or see every tweet out there. It's slightly freeing to now pinterest won't take over my life.

It is strange one of the big things I think not having internet has hurt is my cooking. I didn't realize how often I would look up recipes on the internet and compare them and mark my favorites in google reader.

Ryan and I are looking into getting an iphone or getting a phone that will give us a wireless connection, so we'll see. In the meantime I will love this refreshing freedom.

Best Conversation Ever

2011-10-10T12:37:00.001-05:00

I've been having some stomach issues lately, so I went in for an ultrasound of my abdominal last week. The Ultrasound Tech was taking all of his pictures quietly. He was quickly finding each of my organs on my right side and clicked away saving the pictures. He then searched around on my left side for a while, not taking any pictures.

Then....

Ultrasound Tech: Were you born missing anything?

Me: Uhhhhh, No

Ultrasound Tech: Cause you don't have a left kidney.

So apparently I don't have a left kidney, who would have thought. From my research via google, it's a pretty common birth defect. 1 in 800 are born missing one. Many of these people never even know they are missing one because your body function with no problems and your kidney grows stronger and bigger to compensate.

Jogging June, More Jogging July, Only Agua August, No Snooze September

2011-10-09T12:35:00.000-05:00

For June, Ryan and I completed Jogging June. Each week we had to run at least ten miles a week. We then moved into More Jogging July. During More Jogging July, we had to run at least 15 miles a week. Ten miles a week was pretty easy for Ryan and I. But when it was increased to 15 miles a week and combined with the heat of July was not quite as fun or easy.

July was actually the first month I had not completely finished successfully. The last week I got pretty sick and only ran five of the 15 miles. These two months were so good for Ryan and I. It got us into the healthy habit of running several times a week. (Ryan's actually running a half marathon in one week!)

Only Agua August, another surprisingly easy month. Don't get me wrong though, I craved a lemonade everyday. It definitely taught us we spend way too much on non-water beverages. We buy a whole lot less juice and lemonade now.

No Snooze September felt a whole lot like Early Bird April. This was hard for me and easy for my early bird husband.

The rest of our Self Control 2011 are another No Snooze October (we couldn't think of anything else,) No Meat November, and Drive Right December.

While I've Been Gone from Blogville

2011-06-30T19:06:00.002-05:00

Fight for air climb with my family! Look at the good looking team here.

Travis and Sarah got married which meant Ryan and I got all dressed up.

Tyler and Jenna got married!

Which meant posing for pictures with great friends.

Sam and Crystal had a birthday

Lots and lots of disc golf and more posing for pictures.

No special reason for this one, besides I like this man a whole lot.

What a Year

2011-06-28T18:38:00.001-05:00

Ryan's birthday one year ago. Adel Wine Festival. One engaged couple. Two dating couples.

Ryan's birthday this year. Adel Wine Festival. Two married couples. One engaged.

I'm blessed to be able to live life with these amazing people.

Crystal and Ben are Married!!!

2011-06-27T08:00:00.000-05:00

Once upon a time my freshman year of college, I decided it was about time to start making new friends. I went into Crystal's room and my life was forever changed. She was the first Christian friend I ever made. We have walked through joys, heartache, pain, sickness, sadness, excitement together. It was beyond a blessing to be able to stand up for her at her wedding and now walk through this new journey with her.

I love Crystal and Ben Bobier and am so excited to continue to live life with them.

You May Not Social Network May

2011-06-26T18:37:00.000-05:00

"You May Not Social Network May" has gone and past long ago. Here is my better than never update.

This month was a lot harder for myself than Ryan. The hardest area was not reading blogs. I use blogs a lot to keep in touch with faraway friends and family. Also at least once a week I would be involved a conversation and someone would talk about a certain couple is dating/enaged/broken up. Each of those times people found out through facebook. This wasn't a bad thing I didn't know, but showed me how technology based our culture has become.

The next month is Jogging June. This means 10 miles a week. Our week will go from Wednesday to Tuesday. This one should be interesting since I haven't ran in over a year....

Early Bird April

2011-04-30T23:25:00.000-05:00

Early Bird April was a success. The rules for this past month was Monday through Friday wake up at 5:30am and on Sundays wake up by 7:00am.

What I learned:

1. Sleep is very important to me. (okay well I already new that.) 9 hours is my perfect amount, but going to bed by 8:30 never happened (well once or twice it did.) This caused me to walk around like a bit of a zombie this month. I was exhausted 50% of the time, usually on Wednesday, Thursday and by Friday I don't know how I made it through the day.

2. Ryan and I both had sweet consistent times reading our Bible in the morning. The time was never rushed. It was wonderful and relaxing.

3. I started making an egg every morning for breakfast. My coworker, Lisa, likes to share her random knowledge with me. Apparently if you eat protein in the morning, you will stay full a lot longer. This month I completely cut out my 10:30am snack because of this simple egg. It was amazing.

4. I never want to do this ever again in my life, but I know the day will come when I have kids...blurgh. I better start praying for being able to function on less sleep.

Onto You May Not Social Network May.....

This means no facebook, twitter, blogs (writing or reading.)

This could be very interesting.

Home TV Free Feb

2011-03-11T12:17:00.000-06:00

Home TV Free Feb has come and gone. I have mixed reviews about this month. Very randomly I struggled with it, but overall I enjoyed this month a lot. Ryan on the other hand struggled a lot with it.

For me, Feb meant more book reading and more sleeping. Two things I love very much.

It was nice to have an easy month squeezed in there because I am fearful of what the month of April will bring for me (Early Bird April) (writing that made me throw up a little in my mouth a little) (so not excited about month) (at all.)

Self Control 2011

2011-02-01T16:41:00.000-06:00

Ryan and I have decided to make 2011 the year of self control. Each month we will give up something or gain something, so far this is what we got.

Jan.-No Junk Food January
Feb.-Home TV Free February
March- Homemade March
April- Early Bird April
June- Jogging June

No Junk Food January Completed!!!

2011-01-31T16:35:00.005-06:00

Well it is almost completed, tomorrow morning it will be 100% completed.

I would say overall No Junk Food January was a success. I had one birthday cupcake for a friend but without the frosting. Other than that I don't think I had any slip-ups at all.

I love NJFJ because it makes me much more aware about what I eat and more specifically what I snack on especially at work. At times it was uber hard to pass up on the amazing looking day old Starbuck's pastries we get at work every week. (Seriously they look so delicious, but at 350-500 calories a piece, they are definitely junk food.)

So now Ryan and I are onto Home TV Free February....

For the whole month of February our TV will be unplugged. That means no Netflix, Wii, Xbox. We'll see how this goes....

Amazon

2011-01-19T13:43:00.000-06:00

For today only, you can gets yourself a $20 Amazon gift card for only $10.

For real.

Happiness Project

2011-01-18T07:00:00.002-06:00

WARNING: This following picture could offend some of my readers out there, but I'm gonna share anyways. So if you are easily offended you might want to close your browser now.

One of my coworkers, last Friday finished her last radiation treatment for breast cancer!!! During her battle with breast cancer she had gone through chemotherapy and had a single mastectomy. This woman was incredible brave during her battle and continued sharing her laughter with everyone around. I knew the perfect way to celebrate the end of radiation would be to make a cake.

And after I revealed it to the break room while she was sitting there, there were roars of laughter and smiles. I pray that if I ever have to go through something that difficult I would be able to face it with the joy and humor that she faced it with.

ps I didn't eat any of this, so I did not mess up on No Junk Food January.

Homemade Poptarts

2011-01-15T12:30:00.000-06:00

(I know this isn't the most attractive photo in the world, but these are delicious!)

This recipe is adapted from here. This is the second time I have made these and we haven't eaten the whole batch each time for breakfasts throughout the week. They are great both warm up and cold out of the fridge.

2 cups wheat flour

1 1/2 cups white flour (feel free to use just one type of flour and make it 3 1/2 cups)

1 teaspoon sea salt

1 cup plain yogurt

1 cup melted butter

any sort of filling (we've tried strawberry jelly, nutella, apple butter, marshmellow)

Optional topping

1 tbsp of milk

1 cup of powdered sugar

1 tsp of vanilla

Mix together flour, salt, yogurt, and butter. Knead the dough a bit to make it workable. Then roll it out on a well floured surface until it is about 3ish mm thick. Then cut it with cookie cutters. (The first time I just cut them into square pieces which worked okay but it was hard to give them even sizes. With cookie cutters too, I was able to give a different shape a different filling.)

Then spread about 1/2 teaspoon to teaspoon of filling on one of the shapes. Find a matching shape and put it on top. Then go around the edges with a fork to seal the edges.

Lay each poptart flat on a baking sheet for 20-25 mins at 350° until they are golden brown. Depending on how big you make them it makes around 15-20.

The second time I made them I also added the powder sugar drizzle. Add a little milk, a bit of vanilla and stir in powdered sugar till the right consistency. Then I drizzled them once they got out of the oven. Delicious!

That's GamBOLing not Gambling

2011-01-05T20:02:00.001-06:00

I made the plunge and bought a domain name. Gambolingkaci.com My sister, Kassie, encouraged me after her plunge of actuarymom.com.

So why Gamboling....

Once my friend, Kate, forwarded me once upon a time the dictionary.com word of the day that happened to be "Gambol." The word instantly made her think of me.

Yep that is me. I am one who is often found skipping down the hallways at work, galloping up sidewalks to my friends' houses, jumping through doorways with my arms flailing at my house, dancing randomly throughout the grocery store. This is me. 27 yet still gamboling through life with joy.

–verb (used without object)

to skip about, as in dancing or playing; frolic.

–noun

a skipping or frisking about; frolic.

What do I want?

2011-01-05T08:00:00.000-06:00

I'm not much of a goal setter. I know goal setting is a healthy and good thing to do, but it doesn't happen in my life very often. I do love a goal when it is doubled with a healthy amount of competition.

I find myself pondering what do I want this year to bring. On December 31st, 2011 what do I want to look back and see?

I want to see someone who has loved the Lord more than anything, who has sought out him and been obedient. I want to see someone who has loved and respected their husband and been his helpmate. I want to see someone who has loved and served those around them. I want to see someone who is self controlled. I want to see someone who is still broken and dependent on God. I want to see more of Jesus and less of me.

I can only do this with God. I plead for this. God help me become this woman.

Second Annual No Junk Food January

2011-01-02T22:27:00.002-06:00

I am again partaking in No Junk Food January. This year a few more friends are taking part of the festivities--Ryan, Christina, Shana, Ben and Crystal.

Junk food, I know, is relative, but here are my rules...
-no soda
-nothing fried
-no dessert or candy things
-no excessive amount of cheese

My competitive nature is loving this so far (yes I am only three days into this but I'm loving it.) It is so much better this year having Ryan doing it with me rather than being able to watch him indulge in the yummy stuff around me.

You can also find us having several conversations a day that start with "Do you think this is junk food?" I like that it is making us think much more about what we are putting into our bodies.

Year 2010 in Review

2011-01-02T22:27:00.000-06:00

My Year

no junk food january

mourning the loss of my mom

mr. caribou man

westwind church

an amazing connection group

four awesome women

falling head over heals in love

off to arizona to meet the future (but i didn't know that at the time) in-laws

lots and lots of blog reading

fight for air climb with my pretty much awesome sisters

Lost

11 cavities

my forever Rock

perfect beautiful weekends

still falling in love

frisbee golf

couple friends

a perfect engagement

my dream wedding

my dream man

a sweet sweet honeymoon

a new job that i beyond love

netflix

ricky got married

weekend away with beardenzia

lots and lot of board games

still falling in love

Happiness Project

2010-12-28T16:10:00.000-06:00

Happiness is

playing Dominion with my man at Barnes & Noble with a caramel steamer.

Kleenexes

2010-12-28T15:58:00.000-06:00

I haven't posted in a long while and I'm starting to hear about it from multiple people.

******
My life has boiled down to this....
I seem to have had a cold for the two months that involves constant sneezing and a very drippy nose. I've gone through more kleenexes these two months than I have in the last five years combined. I'm 100% blaming my lack of blogging on this. I only seem to have motivation to do the very basics in life and then sleep a lot. Blogging unfortunately does not rank up there with playing Dominion.
******
My sister, Kinsey, is officially a Floridian ~~who doesn't blog~~ now.
******
Kelsey came back to Iowa for Christmas. It was great to see her extremely photogenic face again. Here's to hoping that she still lives in DC next year, so Ryan and I can vacation there very cheaply.
******
I just realized this Christmas I took zero pictures. Oops. So sorry blog friends you get to see no pictures of the first married Christmas I experienced.

Living History Farms Race

2010-11-27T08:00:00.000-06:00

Last Saturday a bunch of my friends and I ran the living history farms off road race. You have 8 stream (more like rivers at times) crossing and you run through the hills and woods. So much fun! We went as Captain Underpants which really was whitie tighties and a cape of some sort. Here's the group's before and after shot.

Next year my goal is to get twice this many people. You should run it with me! Yes that is mud up to my mid calf. Going through the last stream, my feet went mid calf deep in sink mud. I thankfully came out with two shoes unlike other people.

thankfulness

2010-11-25T09:52:00.000-06:00

As the week of Thanksgiving popping up everywhere are your cheesy blog post about how thankful people are and I will not disappoint.

I'm so thankful for this man.

I feel blessed (I know another cheesy word, but it describes it the best) to call him my husband. He loves Jesus more than he loves me. He strives to become a godly leader for our family. He's willing to do all the laundry. He randomly brings me flowers a lot. He enjoys to plan surprise dates. He's on board with my dream to be foster parents. He'll let me just cry in his arms and I don't have to explain why. When we run together, he runs at my pace rather than the 8 minute miles he could do and never ever complains about it. He lovingly shares the gross things about me so that I could be made more holy too. He never complains about me wanting to take 100 pictures. He'll warm up the car in the morning. He always opens my door for me. He loves playing board games with me.

I could go on and on but I will spare you all.

Happy Thanksgiving friends!

Letter to my mom (part 9)

2010-11-01T21:44:00.000-05:00

This letter is part of the Letter to My Mom series.

Hey mom,

Wow, life has gotten hard again. It has been 11 months. I feel like we are creeping closer to the one year mark and all I want to do is to pause life, not make it come any closer, not make it a reality, not let anymore memories of you drift away.

From my education I could draw you a graph about mourning and when it is hard, harder and hardest. There is your peak right when the person passes, then the next peak at six months and then one at one year. I am definitely your cookie cutter example (besides the peak at 8 months when I got married, but I'm sure there is a graph someone that if that was included there would be a peak too.)

That doesn't make it any easier...it actually kind of makes it lamer cause I know it is just going to keep rising in the next month.

But I will keep going, keep trusting that the Lord is drawing me near to him and that I can trust in the one who has created me.

Love you,
Your best daughter
kaci jo

thankful

2010-10-22T18:28:00.001-05:00

Why I am thankful this week:

discovering an amazing recipe for breakfast cookies that I have made twice already

perfect fall days

Truth that comes alive

the Breaking Free Beth Moore Bible study

sharing my love of Hoarders and Say Yes to the Dress with others

seeing the sunrise every morning from my bed

perfect weather for an outdoor wedding

dancing the night away with my three sisters

sharing kisses with a baby

creating a plan for my life but waiting for God to do crazy things with it

come alive

2010-10-21T18:21:00.003-05:00

"Yes Lord walking in the way of your laws, we wait for you; your name and renown are the desire of our hearts." Isaiah 26:8

"Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him." Isaiah 64:4

Beauty...

those words are beauty to my eyes.

they are water for my soul.

they give me the strength to wait.

patiently. and trust.

Congratulations!

2010-10-19T18:07:00.000-05:00

Congratulations to my brother, Rick, and my new sister-in-law, Stephanie on getting married on Saturday!!!! Pictures to come. (This picture is from my wedding)

Happiness Project

2010-10-05T10:50:00.001-05:00

A Joy Filled Weekend off in the Middle of Nowhere

climbing trees with my husband

Seeing a couple in love attempt their first dip.

Hiking around on the farm, posing for pics.

I love this man.

I love these women.

Oh the men of Beardenzia...

Love

People who at least pretend they are 100% okay with my zealous photo taking

Nerf Guns provide the perfect entertainment anytime, anywhere

Seriously they are perfect for each other.

This weekend and the memories are priceless and exactly what my soul needed.

Happy Birthday Kassie!!!

2010-10-01T08:35:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday to my absolutely beautiful sister, Kassie, who is 30 years old!!!!

How to post a comment

2010-09-20T11:50:00.000-05:00

I have many faithful readers out there who did not grow up with computers, so here is a tutorial to how to leave a comment on Kaci's blog.

At the top of each blog post is the Title in blue print.

Below that it says 'Brought to you by Kaci Jo on such and such.' Then it says "others like me" and random labels are written there. (You can click on one of those words to see other blog post that have that same topic.) Then it says "Comments: (#)." The # represents a random number which is how many comments have already been posted.

Click on the number. And it takes you to another page. It says "leave your comment." That is where you type a message about how amazing I am. Then below that you can log into your google account if you have one. But if you don't have one, click on the little circle in front of anonymous. And then click on the big orange button that says "Publish your comment."

That is how you leave a comment :)

Smiles of the weekend

2010-09-20T08:59:00.000-05:00

I took some pictures this weekend like promised. My future sister-in-law, Stephanie, had a shower this weekend. She's marrying my brother in October. (Yes, I know shocking, I do have a brother.) I didn't actually get any pictures with Steph...oops.

My cousin, Mallari, with four of her great aunts. I guess they are my great aunts too. (Shout out to my great aunt Jeri who happens to be a secret blog stalker. I think it is about time that you comment :)

Kinsey and me

Mallari and her favorite cousin

the last of the summer photos

2010-09-17T08:03:00.005-05:00

I've realized recently that for the past two months I have barely taken any pictures. Starting today, I'm going back to my old ways of taking way too many pointless pictures and sharing them with you all. The camera is going back in the purse to be carried around all day. Here are the last few summer photos that I have yet to share.

This was at Abby and Tonio's wedding. This is probably my favorite photo of the summer (besides my amazing wedding photos.)

Dennis, Ryan's brother, was in town for a couple of weeks, so he came with us to Abby and Tonio's wedding. I'm pretty sure he is scare to take pictures with me. This was the closest I could get to him.

Ryan and I on top of our hotel that my very amazing sister, Kassie, and her husband graciously gave us as a wedding gift. Our honeymoon was amazing. The weather was perfect. Minneapolis is a great city and we found lots of things to do downtown. It was a perfect week.

the dance

2010-09-15T08:00:00.000-05:00

so much has been going on inside my heart recently.

my dance with Jesus has changed. not bad. not good. just different.

i have yet to decide what to do with this. it makes me want to run to so many things and so many people and so many distractions.

yet

i hear God whisper, 'come to me, come my child.'

Happiness Project

2010-09-13T21:04:00.004-05:00

Happiness is...

Friends who are willing to look like a fool with you and go to the mall to get free chik-fil-a on Cow Appreciation Day.

Things I read today

2010-09-03T11:19:00.004-05:00

Here's a random snip-it of things that caught my attention ~~today~~ this week:

Amy's blog yesterday reminded me yet again why I love her blog.

Crazy story about life and hope over at cnn.

The Daily Iowan wrote a front page story about Iowa City's the Salt Company. God is going to do crazy things there.

I'm not interesting

2010-08-27T13:15:00.004-05:00

It's true, I stink at updating this blog. I will probably continue to stink until my life gets back into some sort of routine.

Here's the quick update/thoughts of my life:

My youngest sister, Kinsey, got her gallbladder out, and then a few days later went back into the hospital because of immense pain. She's only had one real meal in two weeks and one sip of water in a week. She thought she would be released today, but found out her white blood cell count in high again, so more tests for her. I know she would love some random notes from very random people. So if you are bored you should send her one of these. You just need to know her name: Kinsey Sloss.

Ryan, my great husband, has a blog now. Raging liberals should find it entertaining.

And speaking of raging liberals, my other little sister, Kelsey, just got a job at the Holocaust Museum.

You should also check out Ryan and I's wedding pictures! We had an amazing photographer who I absolutely adore and would recommend to anyone.

I still daily think of things I would blog on a anonymous blog, maybe I should get on that.

Dominion is a great board game.

Happiness Project

2010-08-10T07:35:00.000-05:00

Being married for 2 1/2 weeks and how beautifully normal it feels--making dinner together, not having to go home at night, waking up next to your best friend (yep all of that wonderful cheesiness.)

Censored

2010-08-03T21:19:00.000-05:00

Today is one of those days that I have a 1,000 (well that is probably a bit of an exaggeration) different blog post swirling around my mind. Yet I feel like I can't write about half of them and the half I can write, I need pictures and my slow computer does not want to cooperate.

I definitely wish that I had an anonymous blog out there that I could rant and rave on and soak up complete stranger's wisdom. Sadly I don't. So I will keep all of these blog posts inside my head and continue to exhaust myself with thinking too hard.

Introducing...

2010-08-02T21:40:00.000-05:00

Mr. and Mrs. Ryan Kennedy....so fun.

I have lots of fun things to blog about from the last month, but life has been consumed with busyness. So to keep you all (yes the ten of you) entertained for 2 seconds. Here is a two pictures preview of our wedding....

Enjoy!!!!

I will resume regular blogging sometime soon.

ode to sleep

2010-07-21T09:50:00.000-05:00

Oh how I love my sleep
to fall asleep, through the night
where dreams are few
and awake refreshed

Yet here I am
dreaming
over
and
over
and
over

The wedding replays
and replays
and won't let me sleep

I miss my beautiful sleep.

Only 3 more days and hopefully I'll enjoy dreamless nights again :)

the dance

2010-07-20T11:38:00.001-05:00

'I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.' -Jesus

i feel like i am living this life right now. not because i'm getting married, not because i'm having an unusually good day, not because of anything that i have done.

i am because i feel like my dance with Jesus is beautiful right now, indescribable, intimate, personal.

dance, my friends, dance.

Ryan's Brick Story

2010-07-19T15:14:00.001-05:00

The past two summers my church has done a series in the summer letting people share one of their brick stories. God is completing a story in all of us and is using brick after brick to build us into the man or woman he wants us to be.

Ryan got to share one of his most intimate brick stories this weekend. I love this man for his boldness and faith in sharing this story. I know it was hard for him, but him and I both know that God is going to use this story God has given him in absolutely amazing ways. You could tell by the tears of the room and the stories we heard after church that God will be glorified by this. I am so excited that Ryan gets to be my soon to be husband. He is a man who loves the Lord.

Listen to his story here.

Sadly I just realized they started the recording a bit late, so here's the first part of his story and then you should listen to the last two minutes of it here.

Right out of high school I met this girl, we had in inappropriate relationship and almost a little over a year after we had been dating we got married. I was 19, and although I was not following Jesus at the time the bond of marriage was something that was engrained into my being, it was something NEVER to be broken, and to do so would be a great disgrace. On June 17th, 2 days before my 22nd birthday I came home from work early and cleaned the entire apartment hoping that I could spend an evening as a date night with my wife. But when I approached her she said the words that would send us eventually to a divorce. “I don’t love you anymore”. In the weeks and months that passed my hope that she would re-consider faded, as I received threatening voicemails. Then the divorce papers came, and as I reluctantly signed them a dark cloud formed over my head and a large yoke mounted my back. I felt as though I had been dragged through the mud. I was grasping the gravity of my sin all too well. I longed to turn to God, I wanted to know him, I wanted to be the prodigal son running home to the open arms of my Father. NO! How could he take me back?!? I am divorced who could want me....now go listen because it has such a beautiful ending.

Genuine Beauty

2010-07-19T09:17:00.000-05:00

This this woman I have gotten to know through the last couple of months that I met through a friend, Deb. Deb is an absolutely gorgeous woman.

It's almost indescribable the joy that she will bring into the room when she walks in. I've never ever met such a genuine woman who truly believes in beauty. I know this sounds strange. But when you start talking to her, you want to see the world through her eyes. Everything and everyone is beautiful to her. She see God's hand in it all.

I've never once heard a slightly negative thing from her mouth. I know that is why I am drawn to her and want to hang out with her. Her words fill you up. Her words remind you that God's beauty is here and now.

My friend has this theory that all women hate each other and all men don't know any different, so they get along. He picked up this theory watching his three kids navigate through elementary school. I'm seeing how true it is more and more. Yet this woman defies this theory. She is a woman who wants to honor everyone around her, especially the women.

She's the kind of woman I want to be. I am so far from it now, but how I desire to speak such praises of the women around me.

Invitations

2010-07-17T07:00:00.000-05:00

I had my very first legitimately lost wedding invite in the mail. My dear friend emailed me and asked my wedding details cause she didn't get an invite. Wow I felt so bad because I even remember writing her address on the postcard. I didn't really ever think things actually got lost in the mail. I had so much trust in the postal system. So if you think I sent you an invite and you didn't get one, still come!!!! Cause there is a huge chance it got lost in the mail. Or you don't think I sent you one and you want to come, still come!!! No need to RSVP, unless you are bringing a whole marching band and then I might want to know.

I thought I would let the whole world know the details of my wedding because I would love anyone who would want to be there to share this day with us to be there. So come and have fun!

Here's the typical wedding site we made. So go check it out.

The wedding is July 24th at 10AM at the Sylvan Theater at Greenwood Park in Des Moines with a small breakfast in the park to follow. If you need directions, go here.

Letter to My Mom (part 8)

2010-07-16T13:37:00.000-05:00

Another part of the Letter to Mom series.

Hey mom,

8 days....yeah 8 whole days and then I'll be married. It is so weird, but so exciting.

This past weekend one of my beautiful friends, Liz, got married to Alan. Their joy was gorgeous. The wedding itself was so good, but then came the dances with the parents and such and I lost it. I was a big baby. There was no controlling my emotions.

This weekend is my future (in 8 days future) next door neighbor, Abby and Tonio's wedding. I know it will be beautiful too and so will the joy that will be present. I have a feeling though my emotions will be a roller coaster again.

And then there is my wedding (did I mention only 8 days away?) I have yet to decide if I'll cry like a baby. But then again I don't really think it is something I decide, it will just happen. So mom I'm pretty sure I'll be crying like a baby wishing you were there to see me given away by dad. Wishing you were able to see my get married to the love of my life.

I know you would be slightly disappointed cause I know your dream was always that I would marry Clay Aiken and sadly proof of that will always be found on the internet. (scroll about half way down.) But I thank Jesus daily that didn't happen :)

I love you and think of you often.
kaci jo

27 days...

2010-06-27T11:58:00.000-05:00

Yes I have a countdown. That is really only because of two reasons though. One, my friend, Crystal, made me a sex it up calendar which is a countdown till the days I get married. Two, our wedding website has a countdown on the bottom. And just so you all know I had to just look at the website to see how many days were left to title this blog post.

On Wed. I'll be officially moved out of Sarah's place. I will be homeless for 24 days. Well, not really homeless, just a bum who is couch jumping from friends' places and my dad's place. I will be living out of two clothes baskets while all of my other stuff is sitting at Ryan's waiting for me to move in.

This is becoming oh so real. And I think I like it.

The Happiness Project

2010-06-22T11:06:00.000-05:00

Happiness is...

When I feel gross and feel like I have had to gain weight, then I step no the scale and realize I'm five pounds lighter than last month. And that means I'm 25 pounds lighter than a year and a half ago!!! And that means my BMI is finally 24.6 which means I'm no longer overweight!!!

Happy Father's Day.

2010-06-20T07:00:00.000-05:00

My dad is an amazing man. I respect and love him deeply. I could go on and on with many cheesy things, but you should go check out this post. I wrote it a year ago. (It brings by far the most amount of traffic to my blog, not much, but the most. If you google "Why I love my dad," it is the fourth thing to show up (you would be surprised how many people actually google that.))

Go check it out.

I feel like I could make a whole new list from the things I have seen him do these past six months since my mom has passed away.

Here's some more to add to the previous list of 30.

31. He's not afraid to cry.
32. He recently learned how to text message, and with that he'll send me good morning texts.
33. He tells me how much he misses my mom.
34. After my mom passed away, he was determined to finish house projects cause he never had before. Since then he has finished redoing two complete rooms.
35. He always asks me how my van is running.

36. He's going to walk me down the aisle.
37. He recently bought a Harley and gives me rides on it.
38. He calls me on the phone just to see how my day was.
39. Never once have I visited home without him stuffing me full of food. I definitely will not go hungry if he is around.
40. He taught me how to always find a great deal and never settle for less.

More of My Smiles

2010-06-18T07:00:00.000-05:00

This beautiful woman is getting married one week before me and it is official we are real life neighbors come July 24th!

I love my dad. I'm blessed by him in so many ways.

Dad and Mallari

Menace Game!!! My two soon to be neighbors. One of the many reasons I love them is they always pose in pictures too!

Notice the Menace shirt Ryan is wearing. Yes I caught that with my amazing tshirt catching ability. (I once caught five tshirts in a single parade.)

More beautiful women on the field after the game.

Ahhh, Sarah and Travis.

My Life in Smiles

2010-06-17T07:00:00.000-05:00

We're getting married. Only 37 more days!

Ryan holding Mallari. He's ready to be a dad.

I like this sister. She made my beautiful invites!

Memorial day picnic and soccer game. My team loved each other.

Incredible Pizza....Need I say more, it was incredible. I won the shooting game!

We won the basketball game!

They lost the basketball game and possible every other game we competed against them in.

Miniature Golf, look at those studs.

"No I don't ever pose for pictures.

We're cute

We spent 30+ minutes at this game trying to get the bonus. We never hit it. Yes we are lame adults.

And all of our cool prizes, very jealous, I know.

I'm Not So Good at This Game.

2010-06-16T21:49:00.000-05:00

Today I walked into my kind of boss' office to ask her a question. And guess who's blog she was stalking? yep, mine (but I've told her a million times, she needs to use google reader, much more efficient.) At that moment I felt like a bit of a failure because it has been so long since I have posted.

So here is a pointless blog for all of my stalkers to read.

Tonight adventure...Ryan and I went to go get his wedding band at Valley West mall. We went to Joseph's first because we love them (random fact from a previous employee: they are the only jewelry store in dsm that doesn't run on commission.) The lady helping us was super nice, and not overbearing at all. We would have got it there but Ryan didn't like any of their rings.

We then went next door to the overbearing saleswoman who was definitely not satisfied with Ryan's 'he didn't like anything' response and that we were going to look elsewhere. She was ready to have us look at a magazine and order one. So annoying.

Then we went to the next place (think: Every kiss begins with....) the sales guy looked exhausted. He hunched over in his chair while Ryan was looking at the rings. Not at all trying to sell them to us, or did he really listen to anything we had to say (If I wasn't in an over enthusiastic mood, I would have been annoyed, instead I was determined to make his day.) So me being who I am (very blunt, just in case you didn't know) told the salesman that he is been by far the least enthusiastic salesperson all day and he looks exhausted. And how that was kind of ironic because Ryan actually liked one of the rings and bought his there. I think he enjoyed me telling him that he was the worst, cause he gave us a discount.

Yes a pointless story, but I forewarned you all ahead of time.

Ryan's Version

2010-06-09T14:13:00.000-05:00

Here's Ryan's version of the engagement story. Mine is here.

Thursday night (on April 1st that is) Kaci and I went to Saylorville lake for a picnic, we ate Jimmy johns at a picnic table near a boat ramp. Kaci and I had our second date there and it is just a good location for a date. We had a good conversation during dinner and decided to swing (well I swang she sat on the ground) I remember looking down at her and how incredibly beautiful she looked. We hugged and kissed a bit, and decided to walk down to the water/boat ramp.

While we were at the ramp I decided to pray for us, and our relationship. After we prayed a gust of wind and a breeze came up out of the north. I felt like it was God saying “it is time”. I know that may sound weird, but I just knew, and when you know you know. We started walking back up, I got extreeemly nervous, “this is it! THIS IS IT!” kept going through my mind, I was trying to put the words together as to what I was going to say on the spot. (I have to work to be romantic, and it doesn’t come easy). Even now I can’t remember the exact words, but it went something like “Kaci, I love you, and I have loved you since before I even knew it was love,” then I got down on one knee and asked her to marry me. She said yes!

Then she asked when I asked her dad. “oh, crap” my hands grabbed my hair, I had totally forgotten. Since I had my phone with me I called her Dad, and asked. After he was satisfied with giving me a hard time (in typical Paul fashion) He eventually gave his permission.

Due to the massive amounts of people that needed to be notified, it only made sense to me to use the mass messaging tool known as twitter, I knew that it would be the best way to get the word out so I tweeted “she said yes”. In my (a guys) mind this was the most efficient way of doing things. However, Kaci, thought it would be best to tell people in person/over the phone. She had no idea that I had already tweeted. (oops) I eventually told her, and in hind sight her way was probably best.

We are both looking forward to July 24th, and the many many years together after that.

Happiness Project

2010-06-08T13:40:00.000-05:00

My wedding invites are in the mail!

Vote For Graham

2010-06-08T09:49:00.000-05:00

You should go vote for my nephew Graham. It is super easy.

Now go vote! And you can do it everyday!

The Saturday Evening Blog Post

2010-06-05T00:43:00.000-05:00

Elizabeth Esther on her blog host the Saturday Evening Blog Post. It is where people gather the first Saturday of the month to share their favorite blog post from the previous month. You should go check it out. It is a sweet place to discover new blogs and a great way to bring people to your blog.

This month for my favorite post I choose We're Writers. I see more and more how God is allowing me to use this blog to mourn. This was one of those thoughts that was stirring in my head that just wanted to be shared. I feel like there was a lot of those this month, so thanks for reading and listening to my heart and most of all thanks for entering into my pain alongside me.

Letter to My Mom (part 7)

2010-06-04T07:00:00.007-05:00

Hey mom,

Another week has past and that makes it 6 months.

Your birthday is next Wednesday. I remember for your 54th birthday we had a surprise party. Kassie flew up from Florida to surprise you too. Kassie, Kelsey, Kinsey and I got all of the food ready, made a video for you and sent out invites to your family and friends.

One of my jobs that night was to get you to the party at your parents. We had planned to go out to eat together as we often did. (Thanks for always making those bi-weekly lunch/dinner dates a priority. I cherish them now.) I had talked you into going to eat in Des Moines, but at the last minute you wanted to stay in Perry.

Now I'm thinking if we stay in Perry (our hometown), how am I going to get you to Woodward (that is half way between Perry and Des Moines. Me being the quick thinker I am, said Melinda (your sister) had very important news she needed to share with us. And you knew that meant we needed to go to Ankeny. You were so annoyed at me.

So I get you into the car. We're driving to 'Ankeny.' Right at the curve to your parents I say "I need to pick up some pants at grandma's." Again you were so annoyed, but I slowed down quickly and turned off the highway.

I get to grandma's and grandpa's and everyone's car is hidden in the back. (score! Still so unsuspecting.) I pull up super close to their door and ask you to go in with me. You say no. Absolutely no. Grrrrr....I was so frustrated, you had a surprise party waiting for you. I said I was scared to talk to grandma alone. You still didn't care. It was hot and you were tired and you didn't want to get out of the car.

I was moments away of telling you about the surprise but instead I yelled at you. 'Mom you have to go inside with me." You get mad and you start following me in. (I know I was a horrible daughter but believe me it shock me up a lot to yell at my stubborn mom and I knew the yelling was for a good cause. I knew you would love it once you got inside.)

You immediately saw all the people inside and walked straight into the bathroom. I could tell you were crying. Such shock of emotions. Extreme anger at me and then surprise and then joy and excitement. Then we put Kassie in front of the bathroom door. You opened the door, saw Kassie and went right back into the bathroom to cry some more. When you came out, you had the most beautiful smile on your face. That whole night you were glowing. So much joy.

You loved that night. Absolutely loved that night. You watched the video we made for you twenty times that night and twenty more times that week.

I remember you telling me while you were in the hospital that that party is your favorite memory of your life. Thanks mom for sharing that. Thanks for giving us the gift of being able to give you a memory that you cherished to the last of your days.

I love you and miss you,
kaci jo

At the party!

One of my favorite pictures of my mom and dad taken that night.

Happiness.

Check out the letter to mom series here.

Here's the thank you email my mom sent us after the party. (I love her color choice and over use of smiley faces...she loved them both dearly.)

thank you, thank you. i have the greatest kids around...i was very proud of all of you, i think it is about as proud as a mother can get. as i said Sunday i will write you thank you notes in your diaries. grandma and grandpa were all full of praise for you girls and rick when i stop over yesterday to visit them.. They thought you kids had it all together. grandpa couldn't believe how you all got it laid out as fast as you did, it was very organized. your dad stop and seen Aunt janiece on Sunday, she said she never seen a group of people work together so well...of course i am loving it....at Bridget party they talked about how well you kids put together everything,also. I think you pretty well impressed everybody..the video was the cherry on top the cakei have always told you to put things in writing, but to combine writing and video in one, i was and will be continually move every time i watch that video.. I will cry each time i watch it..thank you thank youyou all just confirm that i have the best kids in the world....love you all mom

Beauty

2010-06-03T07:00:00.000-05:00

Imagine being paralyzed lying barely out of reach of a pool that you believed would heal you for 38 years.

38 years you stare at your destiny.

38 years you see man after man go into this pool and be healed.

38 years you lay there as your body is wasting away.

38 years you hope.

Then one day a man comes up to you and ask you if you want to be healed.

What kind of question is that. Of course you want to be healed. Of course you want to experience what it would be like to walk again. Of course you want to experience life.

All you need is someone to put you into the pool. All you need is someone to come along and grant you your hope.

And then the man says "Get up, take your bed, and walk."

Wow.

Get up now?!?!

Walk now?!?!

Be healed?!?!

And at once you were healed, at once you took your bed, at once you walked.

That's Beauty.

A day late...Happiness Project

2010-06-02T11:42:00.000-05:00

Triple dates where the men bring flowers and plan a picnic in the park with disc golf. Then ice cream at Dairy Queen to follow with transportation in the ultimate triple date vehicle (the minivan.) Oh how I love being in my mid twenties.

Letter to My Mom (part 6)

2010-05-21T07:00:00.000-05:00

To check out this series, click here. To read my mom's blog, click here. Why am I writing these?

Hey mom,

This week has been interesting--full of high and lows.

Melinda's friend, Tracey passed away on Sunday night. I know your heart would have broken. I didn't think that it would affect me much on Sunday, but then on Monday, it shook me a whole lot. Lots of tears. And it made me miss you too. I sent dad a text that said "I miss mom a lot today." He sent me one back that said "I miss her a lot too and I cry myself to sleep every night, stay strong." He called me a few minutes later and we just spent a good five minutes crying together. Mom you married a good guy.

This week we figured out sound equipment for the wedding. Kelsey almost has the invitations done. They just need to printed now. You would have loved them. I'll have to post them soon for you. Ryan and I have most of the music figured out too; we just need to decide what song is going to play as we leave.

Last weekend I babysat Mallari. She was precious. I sadly didn't take any pictures, but I get to spend this weekend with her too. So I will have lots of pictures to share next week with you.

Love your favorite,
kaci jo

Dear Mr. Caribou Man (part XXXII)

2010-05-20T11:01:00.000-05:00

Dear Mr. Caribou Man,

I know you have been anxiously awaiting what I did yesterday. This is what I ended up doing. Since she was walking around Caribou, in the middle of the place, I didn't want to tell her right in the middle that she had toilet paper hanging from her pants. I made the split second decision to tell her coworker to tell her because she could take her to a back room and tell her.

I just thought it would have been awkward to tell her in the middle and then she feels like she has to pull it out in front of everyone. Also I know if I was just drinking my coffee and I saw a customer go up to an employee and whisper in their ear, I would watch the interaction (cause I love to people watch) and thus notice the toilet paper that I may not have noticed before. This way I felt less people would be watching and notice the toilet paper.

And just so you know, I was going to make sure she found out no matter what. It never even crossed my mind not to say anything.

Until tomorrow,
Kaci

GAM

2010-05-19T15:24:00.003-05:00

It cracks me up that I get at least two or three people a day that come to my blog through this site. Apparently Google thinks my blog is about Gammon Gold, Inc stocks.

Dear Mr. Caribou Man (part XXXI)

2010-05-19T10:51:00.000-05:00

Dear Mr. Caribou Man,

I know it has been a long time since I have written you last. Today I was at Caribou but you were not there. I have a moral dilemma I would like to ask you about though.

One of the nice barista's had walked out of the bathroom and it looked like she had a very large white tag hanging out from her shorts. Eventually my friend and I realized that it was toliet paper. The nice barista was walking around and picking up plates. Here's the question what do you do? Do you tell her? Do you tell one of her coworkers to tell her? Or do you just ignore the situation?

If I told her then she would know that customers noticed it and I think that would be humiliating. But if I told her she could take care of it quicker. If I told one of her coworkers to tell her, at least she wouldn't know that the customers noticed it. But then again if she doesn't get along with that coworker, they may be mean to her and tell everyone else. Or if I just ignore it, that means she has to wait even longer to find out and lots of people will see it.

So what would you have done Mr. Caribou Man (aka all my internet friends)? Would you tell her or would you tell a coworker?

Hopefully I see you soon,

Kaci

another one of those days

2010-05-11T22:53:00.000-05:00

I highly dislike the feeling of having to feel like I have to please everyone around me....blah....it has been one of those days.

We're Writers

2010-05-08T23:37:00.002-05:00

As I was driving my minivan (and oh how I love my minivan (except for the small turning signal issue)) today pondering life, I was thinking about all of the letters, notes, journals, emails, blogposts my mom left behind.

A lot.

Journals from when she was dating my dad. Journals of each of her kids lives. Magazine articles that were published. Short stories that were published. Editorials to the Perry Chief and Des Moines Register. Weekly cards just because. Letters sharing why she thought you were the greatest. Emails sharing family gossip. Emails of just memories she had because she didn't want those memories to die with her. Blog posts of her weekly happenings (I printed off her blog in book form for my family for Christmas; I still haven't been able to bring myself to read it.) Poems of her heartache when she lost her sister.

My mom left us a legacy.

A legacy that words are important. They matter. They last beyond your breath.

My sisters and I have been gifted with this legacy. We are writers. We love words. We may not be the most eloquent, but we still value them above all.

I want to live that legacy. I want to be a person that leaves words for her children. A person that leaves words behind for the people around that she loves. Words matter to people. They show they are valued. They are wanted.

I will live this legacy.

Question of the day

2010-05-07T15:59:00.000-05:00

I would love some it if people left their thoughts behind as comments to this post. Feel free to be anonymous.

I've been struggling a lot this week (oh to be honest, these past five months) with being alone versus being surrounded by community when it comes to my emotional health. I definitely need time to be alone and process things and feel like I get very little of that time in my life. I also know when I go through hard times it is easiest for me to want to be alone all the time (though that rarely ever happens because I'm a busy person.)

I've discovered when times get the hardest I want to run away and hide for my own emotional sake. I think part of this is because I don't want to have to admit that I am in need, broken or hurt. But also part of it is because I just need alone time. I need time to refresh and be alone with Jesus.

I also know I hate crying in front of people and admitting I'm sad not because I'm ashamed of the actual act I just don't want the attention to be about me. I strongly dislike being the center of attention. But I also know God has created the Body of Christ for a reason. To rejoice with those who rejoice. To mourn with those who mourn. But that is so hard when you are the one mourning.

Where this ramble has come from is I am deciding whether or not I want to go to church this weekend. I love the Body of Christ God has given me. They are amazing people who desire to mourn with me. But I don't know if I want those people to enter into that with me on Mother's Day because I don't want the attention to be about me. I also would love some time with just me and sweet Jesus and my tears and no one else. So I'm not sure what I'm going to do....

I would love to hear your thoughts....

Remembering the Joy in the Pain

2010-05-05T07:00:00.014-05:00

I was reading some of my old blog posts this week and was reminded of this post which was this quote.

"...and you say, through the deepest possible pain, GOD is enough. GOD is enough. He is good. He will take care of us. He will satisfy us. HE WILL get us though this. He is our treasure. GOD, you are the strength of my heart and my portion forever." John Piper

It is amazing that the same words can speak to your soul deeply at very different times in your life. The struggle in my life then was nothing like the struggle in my life now, yet God is still enough. Through the pain, I still cry out to him. I cling to him alone.

He is my strength.

This week is hard and Sunday will be even harder. Yet I will cling to the hope that He will get me through this. I will cling to the hope that He will comfort me so someday I will be able to comfort others for his glory.

Brokenhearted Love: Give it, Live it

2010-05-04T12:34:00.001-05:00

Today I read this blog post and it spoke to my heart. It is written by Molly Piper who two and half years ago had a stillborn child.

Please go read it.

I want to be someone who gives broken-hearted love. I want to be someone who receives broken hearted love.

This week has been another hard one. On Sunday I was able to see one of my friends who just lost his father a few weeks ago. After church I went over with the intent to pray for him, but instead I sat there and sobbed with him and his wife. Sobbed. And then I sobbed some more. Eventually words were able to come out, but that took a while. I was only able to show love with my tears.

I want to be someone who never forgets this pain. I want to be someone who can come alongside someone and unashamedly cry with them. Comfort them with my tears, join in with them in the pain and love upon them. That is my prayer.

Happiness Project

2010-05-04T07:00:00.001-05:00

so they say this is love

One Lovely Blog Award

2010-05-03T16:36:00.001-05:00

Tabitha over at Taking Apart the Complexities That Are Me gave me a blog award. She's a twenty something girl who trying to figure out how to live life to the fullest. Thanks so much!

And to pass on the One Lovely Blog Award to:

TRS over at Single Solitary Things...I love reading her story. It is like reading a good book anxiously awaiting the next chapter.

Lesli at wHiMsiCaL giRL....She always shares thoughts that make you ponder the deeper joys in life.

Saturday Evening Blog Post

2010-05-01T23:38:00.000-05:00

One of the blogs I follow the first Saturday of the month host THE SATURDAY EVENING BLOG POST!
This is where bloggers gather on the first Saturday of each month to share their latest and greatest blog posts! I am participating. You should go check out others best posts of the month here.

This month I've started a weekly letter to my mom column. I've loved them all, but favorite, of course, was sharing my engagement story to her.

I feel like April was a month marked by mourning and through that God has revealed more of who I am as a child of his. God has taught me that I am That Girl and that being That Girl is 100% okay.

Letter to My Mom (part 5)

2010-04-30T07:25:00.000-05:00

Hey Mom,

This week a lot of people have asked me about how my wedding planning is going. It is going well, but I feel like when people ask me they want me to be really excited. But I'm just not. Not that I'm not SO EXCITED to be married because I am SO EXCITED. I'm just not the kind of girl who wants anything fancy or really even cares that much about the actual event.

I'm just ready to be married.

I'm ready to invest in a marriage and not in a day.

There are a few people at there who make me feel kind of guilty for not caring tons about this day. I don't get it. I'm doing my best to brush them off. But it is still hard because my people pleasing wants to come out.

So on a less serious note, your husband got a Harley this week. It reminds me of when we were little and you and dad both had your own motorcycle. I remember your long braids that always had a handkerchief holding them back. You were such a hippie.

Ryan and I are going to take pictures this weekend for our invitations. I am so excited for them (I guess I am excited about some things, just not the things it seems people want me to be excited about.) They are going to be way different than a typical invite. I'm SO EXCITED. I can't decide if this would be something you would think was neat or if you would just be like 'oh kaci.' Kelsey is going to design them and put them together. She could very easily get annoyed with me by badgering her with 'are they done yet?' over and over. Good thing she loves me.

Well I should go be productive.

Love your favorite daughter,
kaci jo

Good books, good quotes

2010-04-29T07:24:00.000-05:00

I picked up a great book last week with a gift card (my favorite!) from a friend.

Be Still, My Soul: Embracing God's Purpose & Provision in Suffering. It is 25 classic & contemporary readings on the problem with pain. I'm on the second reading, and it has rocked my soul.

Chapter 1: Suffering: The Servant of Our Joy by Tim Keller

"It's like what happens to an acorn. Do you know how much power there is in an acorn? An entire huge tree can come out of one small little acorn. And out of that tree can come innumerable other trees. One acorn has the power to fill a continent with wood. But only if it dies. Only if it 'falls to the ground and dies' (John 12:24) is that enormous power released"

Some good scripture he used to remind me of truth...
"Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all" 2 Cor. 4:16-17.

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." Romans 8:18

"We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that sufferings produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, who he has given us." Romans 5:3-5

Tim ends this by saying "Don't just accept suffering--because God doesn't want it. Don't just avoid suffering--because God can use it. Don't just embrace suffering--because it is evil. Instead, enjoy the hope suffering is going to be engulfed, swallowed up. The evil that hurts us now will be the eventual servant of our joy and glory eternally."

Jean Jumpsuits and Hot Pink Boots

2010-04-28T14:03:00.000-05:00

This is how my kind-of boss greeted me this morning. I love my job!

I also love my kind-of boss because the other day she randomly called me at my desk at work super excited. She had just realized that in a few months we will have the same exact initials (kjk) and that made her really happy.

So Long Insecurity

2010-04-25T19:25:00.000-05:00

I stole this from my friend, Katie's blog.

A thought to ponder...

The commissioning statement from Beth Moore's simulcast for her new book So Long Insecurity

My Dear Sister

If Christ is Your Savior

You are the dwelling place

Of His own Spirit

You have it IN YOU

to be secure.

Every day of your life

You have a choice to make

You can live in your old defeat

Or you can turn from your unbelief

And choose life

Make up your mind

To put off the old you

And put on the new you.

Never, ever, ever forget

That the Lord is your security.

He will keep your foot

From being caught in a trap.

He will take care of you

To your very last breath.

Now, leave this place

And go out into the world

And act like a person

Who knows she’s dearly loved.

You were born to be exceptional.

So, Girlfriend, go forth

And walk worthy of your calling.

You are clothed in strength and dignity!

Now unto Him

Who can keep you from falling

Be glory and majesty

Power and authority

Through Jesus Christ our Lord

Now and forever more

Amen.

So Long, Insecurity!

How sweet would it be if we all lived like we really believed this?

Aeropostale coupon

2010-04-23T16:23:00.000-05:00

Here is a great coupon from Aeropostale! It is a coupon for $10 off a minimum of $10 purchase. So you can get something pretty much free. Just click on printable coupon and print it off. It is good for this weekend.

Letter to My Mom (part 4)

2010-04-23T07:00:00.000-05:00

This letter is a part of my weekly blog series. Check it out here.

Hey mom,

This week was beautiful! The weather was perfect.

I was looking at old emails again. (I know that is a bad idea, but I do it anyways.) One year ago today you were on a vent in the ICU. You were able to breathe on your own for 25 mins. The doctors were sure that you would never be able to breathe without a ventilator and they thought you were going to have to live in a nursing home the rest of your life.

But you didn't.

Two months later you were able to go home. Two months later, two of your daughters, Kelsey and Kinsey, sacrificed a whole lot of their life to give you the freedom to move back home.

Then your life was taken five months later. But you were able to spend five months at your home.

I don't get it. I don't get why God extended your life. Why He chose to let you live five months longer? Why just five months? What was his plan in this all?

Soon after you passed away and I was constantly begging God for answers, I felt him say to me "be patient, my child, I will show you." I know someday He will answer all of my whys and until then I will choose to trust.

Sorry mom that my letters are so serious. Kassie's are much more happy and upbeat. But you would expect no less from me :)

93 days until I marry Ryan on your wedding anniversary! eeek!!!

love,
your favorite always
kaci jo

Dear Mr. Caribou Man (part XXX)

2010-04-22T16:49:00.000-05:00

This is part of my series Mr. Caribou Man. To check out more click here.

Dear Mr. Caribou Man,
It has been such a long time since I have written you. This morning you were at Caribou. It always makes me smile. You sat kiddy corner to me in the soft chairs.

I sat their innocently reading and you said to me "brr I'm cold." So you got up and sat by me!!!

I would like to say you wanted to move because you wanted to talk to me, but in reality I think you were actually cold. (Though there were four other open chairs you could have sat at, but you sat by me!)

We had a good conversation. Talked about the painting of lines on Ingersoll and how you thought the traffic will be crazy reducing it down to two lanes (rather than four) and adding a bike lane. We also talked about your job with the city back in the day. Though you had told me about that before. You told me about how you wished you won the lottery every day when you worked that job. You also told me about how you love going to Prairie Meadows. How you walk to Caribou each day to get exercise. How you have to go home and clean your deck cause it is spring cleaning time.

Thank you Mr. Caribou Man for another day that you brought a smile to my face.

Until tomorrow!

Kaci

Another Pointless Blog...

2010-04-21T15:45:00.000-05:00

I have all of these thoughts that fly around my head that are longer than 140 characters but are not quite long enough to be a blog post in themselves. I feel like I'm bursting with things to say but in reality I don't have much to say at all.

Last night I was talking to a friend and he mentioned how he writes his blog for himself and no one else (though he does put it out for the world to see). I then wanted to be as deep and profound as him, so I started to think who do I write my blog for? Immediately I thought, I write it for myself. (I guess I wanted to be as cool as my friend.) But then I realized, nope, Kaci you don't. Who then do I write it for? After much pondering (on a beautiful drive home with my windows down) I came to the conclusion, I write my blog for my family. It started off for my mom. Now it has warped into a tool I use to stay connected to my sisters--Kassie, Kelsey and Kinsey (don't expect much from Kinsey's blog, she hasn't updated it in 7 months). I love that reason. I love that I have this thing to be able to connect with them in one more way.

Perfection...

2010-04-18T22:23:00.000-05:00

I had yet another perfect weekend.

I know these are going to stop sometime, but for now I'm going to enjoy the beauty in them.

Game nights, BBQ's, a 5K, Veishea parade, Hickory Park, nap time, pizza with friends, fight night, church, z'marik's, productiveness, myth busters, a walk, climbing trees.

Perfection....

I laughed to the brink of tears multiple times this weekend. It was such a good change from during the week when I was on the brink of tears for no other reason then I was just sad.

Letter to My Mom (part 3)

2010-04-16T07:00:00.000-05:00

This letter is part of a weekly series. Read them all here.

Hey Mom!

This week Ryan and I registered at Target. (It is weird to write these letters because I know you would have asked the most off the wall questions about these experiences, so if I was really talking to you this letter would go a completely different direction.) It was a lot of fun. I think the funniest part was that Ryan had way more opinions than I did about things which is hilarious. It also worked out well because I would have just stood at the wall of towels forever not really caring and he was like 'hmmm, this looks good...beep.' and the decision was made.

It seems like every few days I'll search for an email in my inbox and I'll come across your old ones. Thanks for those weekly group emails. (Kelsey, Kinsey, and Kassie you should go back and read the one she sent on 3/8/07. It is a tear jerker.)

"i also hope that you girls would be able to say you knew me well, i have tried to be really open with all of you..i might not be the greatest mom but i did a lot better job at it than my mom while i was growing up...she did the best she could at those times..just as we keep this going and all of you kids will be really great moms,better than i"

You were a great mom and we did know you well. Thanks for leaving the journals you wrote for us and your own journals and blog for us to read and learn from.

"So this all comes down to, is it good to do so much writing down thoughts and feelings. Years from now, will you girls read them. Will you curl up your lazy boys chairs and read them like they are a good book. I was really glad i read 1980 last night, it maybe realize I really am a survivor."

Thanks mom for everything--memories, journals, emails and blogs--that you left us.

Love,

your favorite kaci jo

Another Weekend; Another Photo or Two

2010-04-13T17:35:00.000-05:00

Walking to the Casting Crowns concert

A beautiful Sunday with some beautiful friends

Disc Golf

Smiles

Going after a lost disc

Rescued

Pizza Ranch never a good idea, but such cute photos

That Girl

2010-04-10T23:50:00.005-05:00

While I was eating lunch with one of my amazing friends and we were vomiting our soul to each other as that often happens when we get together, I felt like I was smacked across the face with some hard truth.

I was telling my friend how the last three weeks have been harder for me than the second and third week after my mom passed away. Palm Sunday, Good Friday, Easter mixed in with an engagement. I've found myself crying a lot during these three weeks--in the car, every time I've gone to church, sitting at my desk, on a run.

Until yesterday, I hadn't told anyone this.

Why?

Because I have such a fear of being 'That Girl.'

I don't want to be labeled the girl who always cries. The girl who can't control her emotions. The girl who isn't strong enough to move on. The girl who is weak. The girl who can't do it on her own.

so much pride....

cause the truth is I am the girl who always cries, I am the girl who can't control her emotions, I am the girl who isn't strong enough on her own, I am the girl who is weak, I am the girl who can't do it on her own.

Here's the thing...

It is okay if I am that girl. Jesus never told me I had to control my emotions, Jesus never said I can't cry, Jesus never said I needed to be strong, Jesus never said I had to face this all alone.

So to throw my pride to the ground, I wanted the world to know I am weak, I will cry, I can't do this on my own...but I know Christ will be with me every step of the way.

I know He is the one who in the midst of pain will cause something beautiful to grow.

Letter to My Mom (part 2)

2010-04-09T07:00:00.003-05:00

This blog post is part of the series Letter to My Mom series.

Hey Mom!

So I've been engaged for a week now. I know that you would have asked for this list a long time ago because you always talked and talked about how you wanted us to all to make a list of thirty things we loved about our potentials husbands before you would give us the okay to get married.

(Warning everyone who reads my blog, it you vomit in your mouth when reading cheesy things stop reading now.)

So here goes mom....30 reasons why I love Ryan....in no particular order

1. He loves Jesus more than he loves me.

2. He desires to be a servant leader.

3. His beard makes me smile.

4. He wants to have kids.

5. He sends ridiculously long well-thought emails.

6. Every morning I get a text that says 'Good morning.'

7. He tells me that I'm beautiful.

8. He randomly brings me one rose to work.

9. He's ticklish.

10. He talks often about how he doesn't want to be a boy, but strives to be a man.

11. He's incredibly honest.

12. He'll put up with my feisty moods.

13. He's cute.

14. He's a planner.

15. He pursues me.

16. He supports my dream of staying home.

17. He'll rub my back without complaining whenever I ask.

18. He's okay with my extreme extrovertedness.

19. He is hilarious!

20. He understands how important my family is to me.

21. He drinks wine.

22. He loves to read.

23. He knows he is still a work in progress.

24. He knows I'm still a work in progress.

25. He plays board games with me.

26. He reads the random links I send him and comments on them.

27. He still asks me out on dates.

28. He's slightly inappropriate at times

29. He finds joy out of creating the cheesiest terms of endearment and calls them to me in public.

30. He loves being active.

31. Did I mention he loves God a whole lot?

So there you go mom. I hope you enjoy and approve of this list.

Until next week

love,

kaci jo

reminiscing with old blog posts

2010-04-08T07:54:00.001-05:00

My mom wrote this blog post about a year ago, 4/11/09.

"My oldest girl wrote a list of 30 reasons why she loves her husband. They have been married for 6 years. I can't not believe this part, it only took her 10 to 15 minutes to do it. That is amazing!!! Then of course she is pregnant {7 months} so the hormones are going crazy. I would also say they are still in the honeymoon part of their marriage.

I been married almost 33 years and it would take me a good 15 minutes to come up with a handful of reasons why I love my husband. I most likely could get a list of 30 if I had at least a month to do it in. So that is my plan, when I am done I will share it with you all. unlike my oldest who thought I should not share her list with my blog readers. [which are 75% family, 20% old friends and 5% my new blog friend mike ] She thinks it is a private list.

So I think it would be a good idea if before anyone get serious about anyone they should make a list of 30 reasons why I love this person. Both people should do it. We should make it a law in our house from now own.

It I had to make a list of 30 things that makes me upset about my husband, it would be a lot easlier list to make, starting with the OMG leaking kitchen sink one, that I have been complaining about for 26 years. After I get done with the one about what I loved about him, I will do the other one [things that upset me]to make things equal out.

Random thought: All of this 30 stuff reminds of a song from my day, "30 ways to leave your lover", I can't get the song out of my head. So I guess I will be singing it all night."

Stayed tuned tomorrow for My Letter to Mom (part 2)

An Easter Sunday to Remember

2010-04-04T21:43:00.003-05:00

Letter to My Mom (part I)

2010-04-03T00:43:00.004-05:00

Part of the series Letter to My Mom

Dear Mom,

I GOT ENGAGED LAST NIGHT!!!!

Last night I was so excited and then it hit me, you won't be there for my wedding day. You won't be there to share with me the joy of planning a wedding. You won't be there. I got really sad. One of my good friends reminded me of the last words I heard you say face to face. You told me "He's cute." You gave me your approval. That means the world to me. Thank you mom.

I guess you probably want to know how it all went down, so hear goes. It was a beautiful night out (84 degrees, I know you would have hated how hot it was.) We decided after work we should go on a walk. I wanted to pack a picnic lunch, but I had to work late, so we got Jimmy Johns.

We headed down to a boat ramp on Saylorville Lake (We went here for our second date.) We ate our Jimmy Johns at a picnic table. Then went swinging together (Okay truth be told because of my extreme motion sickness I sat on the ground and he sat in the swing.) I then suggested we go walk down to the water before we went home. We walked down to the very high lake, and we were hugging and he started to pray for our relationship. (I told you he was a good guy.)

As we were walking back up the boat ramp, he had a huge smile on his face. I immediately thought he is thinking right now 'I really want to propose to her but I'm not going to cause I don't have a ring yet.' So I was not expecting it at all for at least another couple of weeks and because of that I was shocked when the next thing happened.

A few more steps later, we stopped and hugged again and then he said 'I LOVE YOU, kaci jo.' (It was made very clear from the beginning that I love you are engagement words, so I hadn't heard them at all yet ~~besides one slip up that I will have to share another time that was caused by me, oops, but I promise it was a totally excusable mess-up~~.)

I immediately thought 'oh crap (but a 100% good oh crap), he is going to ask me to marry him, eeeeek.' He then got down on one knee and asked me if I would marry him. And of course I said yes followed by a I love you too!

Then I said 'so did you ask my dad,' because I knew that was really important to him. Ryan said "oh crap, I forgot because I was so excited/nervous." He then called dad and asked if he would have permission to marry his daughter. Dad of course said yes after he gave him a hard time about what Ryan would do if dad said no. (Ryan in response to that question said I would work hard to win you over.)

When we went to go call all of our friends and family, we soon realized it was April Fool's Day and every one seemed to be questioning it, so that was a slight fluke to his plan. But nevertheless, it was an amazing Thursday night and it added a lot more laughter to our life!

Ryan just got a band for me to wear now and we are going to go look for rings this weekend and this coming week! This way I will get a say in what it is.

Also we decided to get married on your anniversary!!! July 24th. It is actually Ryan's parent's anniversary too. I know it will be a sweet day to remember you and I'm so excited for that. I'm a little scared that it will be really hard for dad.

Thanks for reminding me often never to settle and that I should keep my standards high cause I found a guy who fits those.

I love you and miss you,
Kaci Jo

To read Ryan's versions, click here.

Letter to My Mom

2010-04-03T00:07:00.002-05:00

My sister, Kassie, has been waiting impatiently for me to start this weekly blog feature. ~~Each Friday~~ when I randomly think about it, I'm going to write a letter to the world on what I would have told my mom that week in our random emails or phone calls. So here goes....

For you who are new to my blog, my mom passed away on Dec. 1st, 2009 after a very long battle with COPD.

gone

2010-03-31T18:19:00.000-05:00

Today was a sad day. I found myself on the brink of tears several times.

Mourning isn't fun. Not fun at all. Especially cause it creeps up at the most random times.

I've officially decided I think holidays are the most awkward events in my family. This Easter will be the first Easter without an uncle, my grandma, my grandpa, and my mom. Weird.

Our family will still partake in the normal gathering at the grandparents' house with the ham and Easter egg hunt. Yet the people who lived in that house will be gone.

My mom is gone.

That makes me sad. Today. A lot.

Waiting Patiently...

2010-03-31T12:46:00.000-05:00

for Sun and Jin to reunite on Lost that is. And other random thoughts about Lost. If you haven't watched this episode or any, you should stop reading now.

But I'm starting to think that will never happen and that makes me sad. If you look at all 6 seasons of Lost, Sun and Jin are rarely ever actually together. And now in the flash sideways, they aren't together also. So in the end are we going to find out they were never 'supposed' to be together.

I still don't understand the flash sideways. I know no one fully understands the flash sideways yet though. They seem so attached to what is happening on the island at that time. In the flash sideways, Sun didn't speak English and then on the island last night, she couldn't speak English either. The two timelines seem like the blend somehow.

So Charles Widmore is a good guy? Did Widmore not want Desmond to marry Penny not because he didn't like him but because he was going to have to sacrifice himself somehow?

go read this

2010-03-30T09:42:00.000-05:00

My church has been doing an online blog preparing people for Easter. The four weeks have focused on Prepare, Prayer, Care, Share. God has convicted me pretty heavily on a couple of topics through this series (more on that later.) But for now, you guys should all go check out today's post. It is by your's truly.

Dear Mr. Caribou Man (part XXIX)

2010-03-26T12:54:00.000-05:00

Dear Mr. Caribou,

Today you weren't at Caribou, but your good friend Scott was. He seemed to be waiting for you. He got up several times and walked around to see if you were hiding from him. My friend, Abby, and I decided that Scott's last name is probably Polo. So I hope you get to see Scott Polo soon!

Until next week,

kaci

Just Another Thurs and Two Pounds of Meat

2010-03-25T21:28:00.001-05:00

Wow! Somebody was hungry.

Two pounds of meat plus lots of other toppings that are sure to cause a heart attack.

The last half...

Starting with the fork action.

Pondering the last bite

And he did it!

(yes I took an excessive amount of pictures during this event, but when you order a normal size sandwich and finish it within a few minutes and have to wait for someone to eat 2 pounds of meat, you have to entertain yourself somehow.)

Cavities and Pride

2010-03-25T16:00:00.001-05:00

I recently found out that I have an incredible amount of cavities. This is because of years of drinking soda (I haven't now for over 100 days!), well water growing up, and not going to the dentist in 10+ years.

I have learned lots of things about me through this experience. One thing is I find myself telling people the actual number. I thought it was strange that I was doing this. Why would anyone choose to humiliate themselves in this way?

Then I was talking to someone that I hadn't told and they said 'I found out a secret about you.' I had no idea what they were talking about. Then they shared how shocked they were by my number of cavities. They then went on telling me all about oral hygiene (yes I know I need to brush my teeth twice a day, floss, and use fluoride mouth rinse.) This person was a good friend and did this all with a good nature, yet it still made me feel not good.

It dawned on me. I choose to tell people this humiliating fact about me, so I can be in control. If I present it to them, I keep the power in the situation; they can't make fun of me. I share the facts, so it is not kept in the dark for people to secretly find out. It is all a form of self protection, preserving how people view me.

Lots of people around me could tell you that one of the things I struggle most in life with is caring way too much about what people think of me. This situation showed me just another area that this comes out in.

I know I want to live a life where I live to please an audience of One. I know I am far from that and I fail in this area every day. But I also know that that is my desire--to please God alone. I also know that God has promised to continue to refine me. So I choose today to walk in his grace and pray that he will rid me of this.

Just Another Perfect Sunday

2010-03-24T22:14:00.000-05:00

Wordless Wednesday

Dear Mr. Caribou Man (part XXVIII)

2010-03-19T10:29:00.000-05:00

Dear Mr. Caribou Man,
Every time a friend comes to visit me at Caribou, you are never there. It has happened at least 15 times. Except yesterday!!! You were there!!! My friend Abbie and Tonio got to see you. And you were wearing your lime green sweater!!!

Thanks for bringing me smiles,
kaci

random pictures...

2010-03-17T17:03:00.000-05:00

weekends are my sundaes with cherries on top

2010-03-17T16:50:00.000-05:00

My weekend review

(I know you have all been anxiously awaiting.)

Friday

granite city

great conversation

game night

new friends

old friends

ice cream

more laughter

Saturday

meeting with brandon

omaha car ride

leaky water pump

no go omaha

off to perry

get backup car

rockin' line dancing

four amazing women

Sunday

car will not start

church service at westwind

z'mariks lunch with friends

try to start car

back to granite city

good beer, good food

foam swords in driveway

try to start the car

successfully start the car

so so much laughter

Confusion...

2010-03-15T09:25:00.001-05:00

I guess I didn't make it clear in the last post. Ryan and I are still dating; it was another sister who broke up with her boyfriend.

Ryan and I are still happily together. This was taken on our wonderful double date yesterday that included good beer, foam swords, and lots of laughter.

gambol \GAM-buhl\

Word of 2012

2012

Self Control 2011

Life without Internet

Best Conversation Ever

Jogging June, More Jogging July, Only Agua August, No Snooze September

While I've Been Gone from Blogville

What a Year

Crystal and Ben are Married!!!

You May Not Social Network May

Early Bird April

Home TV Free Feb

Self Control 2011

No Junk Food January Completed!!!

Amazon

Happiness Project

Homemade Poptarts

That's GamBOLing not Gambling

gam·bol

What do I want?

Second Annual No Junk Food January

Year 2010 in Review

Happiness Project

Kleenexes

Living History Farms Race

thankfulness

Letter to my mom (part 9)

thankful

come alive

Congratulations!

Happiness Project

Happy Birthday Kassie!!!

How to post a comment

Smiles of the weekend

the last of the summer photos

the dance

Happiness Project

Things I read today

I'm not interesting

Happiness Project

Censored

Introducing...

ode to sleep

the dance

Ryan's Brick Story

Genuine Beauty

Invitations

Letter to My Mom (part 8)

27 days...

The Happiness Project

Happy Father's Day.

More of My Smiles

My Life in Smiles

I'm Not So Good at This Game.

Ryan's Version

Happiness Project

Vote For Graham

The Saturday Evening Blog Post

Letter to My Mom (part 7)

Beauty

A day late...Happiness Project

Letter to My Mom (part 6)

Dear Mr. Caribou Man (part XXXII)

GAM

Dear Mr. Caribou Man (part XXXI)

another one of those days

We're Writers

Question of the day

Remembering the Joy in the Pain

Brokenhearted Love: Give it, Live it

Happiness Project

One Lovely Blog Award

Saturday Evening Blog Post

Letter to My Mom (part 5)

Good books, good quotes

Jean Jumpsuits and Hot Pink Boots

So Long Insecurity

Aeropostale coupon

Letter to My Mom (part 4)